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  • Writer's picturemarikenney

I'm a Fuck Up. I'm okay with that.

I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life - who hasn't?

Hi, I'm Mari. I'm a fuck up, and I'm okay with that.

It seems like every day, I'm reminded of the many times I've tried and failed and the many times I didn't try and still failed. I think it's my mind's way of making sure I know I'm not as great or awesome as I think I am. Everyone needs humility from time to time. Keeps the ego in check - and I feel if I didn't have that gut punch from my brain - I would be even more of an insufferable asshole than I am now. Not saying I'm the worst, but I'm not the best.

Right now, I find myself trying to resurrect a blog I started over a year ago. Get my website in order. Try to continue writing on a daily basis. I can't say I'm the best at being consistent. My body, my mind, and my life tend to offer me a great supply of chaos which makes finding consistency difficult. But I'm trying - and if I fuck up - I'm used to it.

A Child with a Cookie

Look at that cute little fuck up.

As a kid, I had a lot of dreams. Too many dreams. Honestly, some kids should be brought out of the clouds and planted back on the earth - I was one of those kids. Dreaming is fine, but it can't become your reality. That was/is my issue. I tend to dream - forgetting about the truth of the situation - (i.e. what work needs to go into it and if I have the skills to acquire that dream).

Still trying to figure out what dreams my skills can accomplish. Right now, a somewhat inconsistent blog and a baller ass lasagna.

But it's something. Something I am continually working towards.

Right now, life has offered me a lot of opportunity for growth - I'm afraid of it. But strangely in an exhilarating way. It's the the kind of fear that motivates a person to run, screaming down a dark alley at night - if there is danger- that danger won't know what to do with the wild flailing and high pitched screams.

That's how I want to live my life. Any new opportunity just dive, head first into it - knowing that there are two possible outcomes - failure or success. I may fuck up again - but that's life. As long as I continue to grow and learn and better understand who I am, I think life isn't so bad. Not going to lie, it does super suck sometimes - like royally sucks - but nowhere in the Rule Book of Life does it say that it's going to be good all of the time.

I wish it did - but only billionaires are granted wishes.

I guess that's all for now. Keep an eye out for new short stories - have a few I'm working on.

And I'll leave you with this -

Everyone around you has no idea what is going on - they're just better at putting on a show than you.

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