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  • Writer's picturemarikenney

I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION


I'm not great at deciphering my emotions. Usually when I'm in, let's say, the "danger zone aka conflict for those of us who hate conflict zone", my mind shuts down - and no matter how hard I try - I'm unable to clearly express how I feel.


I deal with it in one of two ways - absolute silence or I fumble through my words, a wide-eyed doe skittering across a busy roadway called Hwy This Conversation, and when I try to push through, my frustration usually leads to tears - and then more frustration from crying in front

of another person.


Crying in front of another person is in my Top Ten List of Things I Dislike Doing, right after folding and putting away clothes.


Currently, I'm trying to, in a sense, make myself a better functioning person. I think there is potential there for something not half-bad, but I just gotta keep working towards it. Not gonna lie, I face some hard days - but the good ones keep me going. I'm grateful for the good days.


Now, back to MY EMOTIONS!!!


As stated above, me no good at speak feelies. And gosh dog it, I don't like it. Thankfully, I have a patient husband who has (over our twelve year relationship) helped me better navigate my emotions during conflict. In the beginning of our relationship, if I was angry, I would shut down.


I wouldn't look at him.


I wouldn't speak.


And if he tried to speak to me, I would turn my head away from him. He thought it was cute.


That made me mad.


Then he would giggle. And that stupid giggle would always bring me back down to earth, and then we would talk. He would let me speak and if I got frustrated, he'd give me a moment to put my thoughts in order. We never ended angry - maybe a little annoyed -

but never angry.


He's a great partner to have, and BONUS - he has a cute butt.


I'm trying every day to better understand how I feel and how to best communicate those feelings. In my past, I did a piss poor job of it, and I'm living through the consequences - I'm happy to be on a different road now, one with (hopefully) a little more control.


Fingers crossed.

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