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  • Writer's picturemarikenney

Farts and a Colonoscopy.

Updated: May 20, 2022

I've always had problems with my stomach.


As a child, I failed my Presidential Fitness Test because I didn't want to fart in front of my running buddy. Trying to run a mile with your butthole clinched is near impossible.


I hated going on trips or to a friend's house, because the bathroom was my enemy. I felt like Harry Dune blowing ass everywhere I went. Finally, in college, I was diagnosed with IBS, but as a stressed out college student, my stomach health was not high on my list of priorities.


After I graduated, I started to take my stomach health more seriously. I dabbled with diet changes and restrictive diets for years and it seemed to be working, until two years ago.


My symptoms became unbearable and I started to lose weight - weight I wasn't trying to lose. My first doctor thought it was just the IBS and gave me mint pills - when those didn't help - I went to another doctor who suggested I get an endoscope and a colonoscopy.


ALWAYS GET A SECOND OPINION because the colonoscopy found a flat cancerous polyp, but they had caught it just in time. If I had waited, my doctor said I would have had cancer by the end of the year.


After that, I changed my mindset and began to focus on getting my stomach right to prevent anything like that from happening again. So I changed my diet and followed a great IBS diet that allowed me to understand what foods I can and cannot eat.


I thought I was doing the right things. Until..


a few months ago, the symptoms came back.


So tomorrow afternoon, I am undergoing an endoscope and a colonoscopy - and I am scared shitless (literally, or I will be), and I am trying not to think about it. And I'm not doing a great job. So I decided to write this blog.


It seems to be helping, but I need a laugh. And farts are hilarious. Even my sad pudgy, clinching little red headed kid, found farts funny.


So - to help -


Here are some fart jokes and their grades:


How do you know if a clown farted? It smells funny - Overall, I would give this joke a solid

C+. A child would laugh.


What's worse than a fart? When it becomes a shart. - A + Truth in Comedy


What do you call a cow's fart? Dairy air. - B Like all Dairy Farmers, I enjoy a good cow fart

joke.



Also


If you like farts and you like charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent - Check out Daytona Wind- Season 14 Rupaul's Drag Race and check out Race Chaser Podcast (Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Willam, and Big Dipper) - discuss the episode with plenty beautifully timed fart jokes







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