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  • Writer's picturemarikenney

Dealing With Rejection - 3 Simple Steps

Updated: Nov 28, 2023

Rejection.


Unfortunately, most of us are extremely familiar with the word. We've experienced it in many areas of our lives, be it relationships, business, creative, or insurance coverage. I've written about the concept of rejection before, because, well... I'm close personal friends with rejection.


It's become my muse.


But rejection and I have have not always had a great relationship. In the past, any time I received any type of rejection, no matter the size or shape, my world imploded. The rejection mentally and emotionally deadened me. I'd escape into myself and pull away from the outside world. I didn't want to be seen, because I felt worthless.


So, as you can tell - it was a rocky relationship.


But, we've worked through our differences. It's been hard, and I've hated every minute of it, but I'm thankful because I'M STRONGER THAN YESTERDAY!


In my new relationship with rejection, I've noticed I follow three steps to help me through, so I wanted to share, to hopefully help anyone out there who is struggling with rejection.


Step #1 - Give yourself some time.


I'm an advocate for expressing your emotions. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to pout, pout. If you want to be angry, be flipping angry. After a big rejection, I give myself time to feel these emotions. If I want to be the biggest titty baby in the world - then I'm going to be the biggest titty baby in the world. If I want to scream-sing Britney Spears in the shower - you bet your sweet, ass I'm going to do it.


BUT - I'm not saying to force your big emotions on others. This isn't an opportunity for you to be an asshole to someone else. This is YOUR opportunity to work through YOUR emotions in YOUR time.


I also suggest that you give yourself a time limit. For example, Jane Craig in Broadcast News, played by the amazing Holly Hunter, scheduled a few minutes a day where she let herself cry. I don't mean small cry either - I mean heaving sobs, snot running, can't breath, shoulders hunched, cry. But after a few minutes, she wiped her face and continued being the badass that she was. She faced her emotions. She worked through her emotions. Most importantly, she didn't let her emotions overtake her.


So when you receive the rejection - give yourself time, work it out (however you see fit), and then continue on being the badass that you are.


Step #2 - Find the Meaning


I absolutely believe that every rejection comes with an important life lesson(s). The old adage "everything happens for a reason" - in my opinion is utter bullshit, but I do believe that in everything that happens, it is up to you to find the meaning. So, in my rejections, I find ways to better define who I am and what I want in my life.


For example, any time I receive a rejection about my writing - I ask myself, "Is this really what you want to do?" - I usually receive a grumbled "yes" from my subconsious, knowing full well that more rejections are to come - but I love writing, so - shit.


Next, I ask, "Was this the best version of the story?" - If not, I go back to the writing board. If so, I submit the story elsewhere, and ready myself for whatever may come. I can lie and say that I always have a positive outlook, but usually in the back of my head, I hear, "Get ready for that 'no', girl!" But I keep going.


Lastly, I ask, "What next?" At this point, I think about what I want to do next.


Do I want to take time off from writing?


Do I want dive deeper into reading?


Do I want to submit elsewhere?


Do I want to get a technical degree?


Should I binge watch RuPaul's Drag Race until my eyes bleed?


Now, my examples are for writers, but can be used in any area of your life. When faced with rejection, ask yourself important, deep questions - and don't lie to yourself. It's the worst thing you can do. Also, don't look outside of yourself for the answers. You know what's right for you. You're the only person who is living your life and experiencing it the way that you are experiencing it.



Step #3 - Keep on Truckin'


This one is the hardest. Sometimes, I don't want to keep going. I want to curl up into my existence and fade away from this world. But I can't do that. I won't do that. Not to my family. Not to myself. It's a diservice to the world, because I'm delightful.


Dory the fish explained it perfectly, "Just keep swimming. Keep swimming."


Basically, just keep on going. Find who you are in the rejection and love that person. Also, don't let the rejection define who you are and who you can be. If you give up on yourself, who will be your advocate?


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We can all agree that rejection sucks, but it's not the end of your world, it's just the start.



Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment with the ways you deal with rejection below.












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